How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
