Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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