I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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