i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
