take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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