Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
