As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
we're making bets on your personal life
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
