i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
