so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
