That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
