answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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