you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
