I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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