I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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