just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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