Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
