Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
