My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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