That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
