Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Randomize
