I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
