Jerry, you need to find god
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
