Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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