I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
