every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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