i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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