9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
