I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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