How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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