sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
