She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
