I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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