literally had 100 drinks last night.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
