We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
