help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
