he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
