he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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