We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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