And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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