Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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