...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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