im so drunk with asians
where?
always
two words: eviction party
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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