Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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