fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you will always have a special place in my vag
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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