..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
