it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
