the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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