They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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