RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
