I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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