i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
